Understanding Loneliness

Loneliness can have similar effects to our mortality as smoking up to 15 cigarettes per day.

Did you know this fact? When I first read this, my immediate reaction was “fifteeeen”. Being alone has this much effect on ourselves, and yet not many people are talking and sharing about this feeling of loneliness. So, I did some research to fully understand this and its impact on the mind and body.

Loneliness: Its Impact on the Mind and Body

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines loneliness as “affective and cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself to be alone or otherwise solitary.” While it’s a common emotion, its effects on the mind and body are profound and often underestimated.

Loneliness isn’t just about feeling sad or isolated. It’s a complex state of mind with various facets; for instance, while social anxiety is closely related, it isn’t a core feature of loneliness. Individuals with this state of mind may exhibit unique behaviors, such as picking up on negative social signals much faster than those with satisfying relationships. They tend to stand farther away from strangers, trust others less, and dislike physical touch. They become more inwardly focused with a heightened sense of self-reflection and mentalizing to fill the social void and overcome the feeling of isolation.

Recent research has delved into the neurological aspects of loneliness. It’s been found that loneliness is associated with stronger functional connections in brain areas responsible for visual attention. This heightened focus on unpleasant social cues, such as being ignored, could explain why lonely individuals often struggle with building and maintaining social connections.

The Loneliness Loop

Loneliness can create a self-reinforcing loop. Individuals feeling lonely tend to criticize their existing friendships, leading to isolation from others. This social withdrawal can make them more alert to potential threats in their environment, fostering higher levels of distrust in others. It’s a worrisome sign when you become paranoid about people you don’t even know; it indicates that you’ve spent too much time alone.

Loneliness is often perpetuated by a self-fulfilling prophecy. Poor social skills can result in unsatisfactory personal relationships, leading to negative self-attributions, further social isolation, and dissatisfaction with relationships. It’s a cycle that can be challenging to break.

Types of Loneliness

Psychologists have identified four distinct types of loneliness: emotional, social, situational, and chronic. Each type is characterized by unique underlying factors and experiences. Understanding the type of loneliness you’re facing is crucial for developing effective coping strategies.

Psychologist Weiss identified six social needs that, when unmet, contribute to feelings of loneliness. These needs include attachment, social integration, nurturing, reassurance of worth, a sense of reliable alliance, and guidance in stressful situations. Addressing these needs can be a key component of combating loneliness.

The Lonely Lens

Loneliness can distort our perception of others and make social interaction more challenging. It triggers hypervigilance for social threats, even when they don’t exist, leading to mistrust and anxiety in social situations. Recognizing these biases can help individuals navigate their loneliness more effectively.

This negative self-protective lens through which lonely individuals view their social world also influences how they interpret and cope with stressful circumstances. Lonely individuals are more likely to disengage or withdraw from stressors, whereas individuals who are not lonely are more likely to actively cope (e.g., problem-solve) and seek tangible and emotional support from others.

Lonely individuals’ negative social expectations tend to elicit behaviors from others that match those expectations. That reinforces lonely individuals’ expectations and increases the likelihood that they will behave in ways that push away the people who could satisfy their social needs. That has been demonstrated in experimental studies in which perceived social threats (e.g., competition, betrayal) cause lonely individuals to respond more quickly and intensely with distrust, hostility, and intolerance.

When we get lonely, our brain snaps into self-preservation mode. Without realizing it, we become hypervigilant for social threats (in the form of rejection and ostracism). This leads to cognitive biases toward perceiving threats, even when they don’t exist. We begin to mistrust others and become anxious in social situations.

Simply providing lonely people with easier access to potential friends has no effect on subjective loneliness.

Coping with Loneliness

Lonely individuals tend to experience stress differently from those who are not lonely. Loneliness has been associated with elevated levels of stress hormones, poor immune functioning, and adverse changes in cardiovascular health. These physical effects underscore the importance of addressing loneliness as more than just a psychological issue.

Overcoming loneliness isn’t one-size-fits-all. Strategies for coping and prevention vary from person to person. However, the overarching goal is to establish strong, healthy connections that fulfill your need for social interaction. Identifying the root causes of your loneliness and addressing them is a crucial first step.

It can be your childhood experiences that play a significant role in shaping your capacity for social interaction. Insecure attachment patterns can lead to rejection by peers, hindering the development of social skills and perpetuating loneliness. Recognizing these patterns early can help break the cycle.

In conclusion, loneliness is a multifaceted phenomenon that affects both the mind and body. It serves as a biological warning system, urging us to reconnect with others. However, once loneliness takes hold, it can be challenging to break free. Recognizing the types and underlying causes of loneliness is crucial for developing effective coping strategies and fostering meaningful social connections.